Failures Happen

So, contrary to popular belief (or at least the few posts that I've made thus far) I am NOT a great cook.  I like to experiment and I'm pretty good at following a recipe, but sometimes the experiments do not turn out right.  And sometimes they are downright nasty.

Exhibit A:  Eggplant "Fries"

I bought an eggplant last week and decided that it would be a great way to make some foods that I haven't tried in a while, and I made some yummy eggplant stuff this summer, so I figured we'd give it another go.  So this is the recipe that I mostly followed:  http://www.closetcooking.com/2012/09/crispy-baked-eggplant-fries-with.html.



Ain't that pretty?

Well, turns out that eggplant does not want to become crispy.  Ever.  Eggplant is mushy and has never even begun to resemble "crispy" in my kitchen.  The final result was mushy eggplant sticks that stuck to my pan and tasted like bland couch cushions.  Maybe I followed the recipe wrong, maybe the interwebs have been lying to me, but either way, eggplant fries are a failure.


Exhibit B:  Muddy Mushrooms

I love mushrooms.  I don't think I ever gave them a try when I was a kid, but at some point I tried them and I haven't looked back.  Most times when I go to a decent grocery store, I'll get a carton of mushrooms.  Then one or two days that week, I'll oven roast them and eat them straight.  Its delicious.

So why is this a failure?  Well one time I was in the middle of roasting some mushrooms (it usually takes 20-25 minutes at 400F) and my friend showed up so we could take her dog for a walk.  Well, I figured that slow roasting things usually tastes amazing, and so I turned my oven down to 200 and happily sauntered off. Yeah, that didn't work.  My precious mushrooms were turned to black charcoal looking mushballs that were unfit for human consumption.

Ok, I thought, since I can't eat these straight I can at least save them and put them in a sauce or something.  I hate to waste a whole carton of mushrooms.  So then I decided to make a creamy mushroom sauce for some pasta the next day.  I chopped up my poor little black babies and put them in the sauce....and everything turned a nasty shade of gray.  Like old mop water gray.  Like the color Aunt Petunia dyed Harry's school uniform in HP1 gray.  Ew.  I'm not one to judge a recipe by how photogenic it is, so I proceeded to taste it and INSTANTLY regretted it.

Moral of the story:  burned mushrooms taste like crap.  And they cannot be revived.


I'm sure I'll have more kitchen failures, and next time I'll take pictures so you can see my prowess for burning and mutilating food.